1. I am not to tell Harry Potter that Voldemort is his real father, no matter how much I think they belong in Star Wars.
2. I am not allowed to tell a student/professor that "Yo mamma looks like Voldemort. Ooo BURN!"
3. It is impolite to call Lucius "Lucy".
4. No matter how well I can do an impression of Steve Irwen, I will not impersonate him in Care of Magical Creatures.
5. I am not to scream "VOLDEMORT!" at any time unless in confines of a sound proof room.
6. Asking Draco if his hair glows in the dark is impolite.
7. I will not refer to any Weasley, or redhead, as carrot top.
8. I am not to put hair dye in Professor Snape's drinks. (Any other Professor is at my own risk).
9. Shaving Mrs.Norris is unacceptable
10. The Slytherin prefect is Draco Malfoy, not Rocky Horror or Slim Shady
11. If a classmate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that fact and draw a Dark Mark on their arm.
12. I will not bring a Magic 8 Ball to Divination.
13. There is no such thing as an Invisibility Thong
14. I am not allowed to hide my housemate's underwear.
15. Bringing fortune cookies to Divination class does not count as extra-credit.
16. When Ron and Hermione are at each other's throats, I am not allowed to "give them a time out" or "make them stand in the corner"
17. I am not allowed to gallop down the hallways shouting "The Death Eaters are coming, the Death Eaters are coming!" when Snape is in the perimeter.
18. I am not to sing "I Believe I Can Fly" during a Quidditch match.
19. I am not allowed to dye my hair platinum and tell everyone that I am "one of Draco's millions of accidental children" from the future.
20. If Draco, Harry, or any other seeker gets on my nerves I am not allowed to shout "Fetch!" and throw a little golden ball.
21. Any resemblance between the Death Eaters and the KKK are coincidental.
22. I am not to chase after Seamus Finnegan, persisting that he give me his pot of gold.
23. I am not to call Harry Potter Luke Skywalker or Frodo.
24. I will not ask when we learn to summon flying monkeys.
25. I am not to say that any of my witch relatives were crushed by a house.
26. I am not to get Sirius Black any dog toy for a present
27. I will not purchase cat toys and leave them on Professor McGonagall's desk
28. I will not leave shampoo on Snape's desk
29. Nor may I leave coupons for personal grooming items
30. I am not to attempt to teach Sirius Black to sit, etc.
31. I will not refer to or call the headmaster Santa Clause
32. I am not to go up to Sirius Black with a leash and collar and ask him if he wants to go for a walk.
33. I am not to take Sirius Black to the vet if he is sick.
34. I am not to tackle hug or glomp any student.
35. I will not smack/hit/punch/kick a student randomly and blame it on seizures.
36. I will not dress up as Voldemort or a Death Eater at the Halloween Dance.
37. I am not to place bets on how the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher will "leave" this year.
38. I will not run across the grounds screaming "Freedom!"
39. I am not to push Draco Malfoy or anyone else that I do not like into the Great Lake and pretend nothing is happening as they are attacked by the Giant Squid.
40. I am not to lock Draco and Harry in the same room.
41. I will not follow behind Professor Snape while spraying disinfectants on anything he touches.
42. Mrs.Norris is not a suitable replacement for a piñata.
43. I am not to throw Mrs.Norris off the astronomy tower, claiming that I wanted to see if she would land on her feet.
44. Asking "So, when to we learn to saw a lady in half?" is not appropriate.
45. I am not to throw items at Slytherins and scream "Die #!@*%!"
46. I will not follow the ghosts around and say that "I see dead people.
47. First years are not midgets.
48. The North Tower is not a Mental Institution, so I may not call it or refer to it as the Loony Bin.
49. I will not use Gryffindors and Slytherins as Christmas decorations.
50. I am not to ask Harry if his Spidey Senses are tingling if his scar hurts.
51. I will not sing "We're off to See the Wizard" when going to the headmaster's office.
52. I am not to turn 50 cents into 50 Cent.
53. Mrs.Norris is not a chew toy for any animal.
54. Nor is she to be used as bait for any magical creature, no matter how cool it is.
55. I am not to push Draco, or any other students that I don't like, off the staircases when they're moving.
56. Or when they're not moving.
57. When Death Eaters are attacking Hogsmede, I am not to point to the Dark Mark and shout "To the bat mobile, Robin!"
56. The Wicked Witch of the East is not my mom.
57. It is unacceptable to make-out/kiss/touch/hug/etc. Harry Potter or Draco Malfoy during class. Anywhere else or anyone else is fair game. (Submitted by SweetSakuraPetals)
58. Calling Lucius Malfoy "Luscious Mouthful" is absolutely unacceptable
59. I will stop telling the first years about the time one of the Christmas Trees ate someone.
60. There is not now, nor has there ever been, a fifth House at Hogwarts, and I am not a member of that house, nor am I its founder
61. I will not refer to the hippogriff as a "Horseybird"
62. I am not longer allowed to use the words "pimp cane" in front of Draco Malfoy
63. I am not allowed to eat Chocolate Frogs in Potions
64. Even if I brought enough for everyone.
65. Emptying a bag-full onto Professor Snape's desk to prove such is not appropriate.
66. The proper way to report to Professor McGonagall is "You wanted to see me?" Not, "I have it on good authority that you have no evidence."
67. I will not impersonate a Swedish chef in Potions
68. If asked what the curse Avada Kedavra does, yelling "IT DOES DEATH" may be correct but it is not the manner in which we answer.
69. To conquer the earth with evil flying monkeys is not a proper career choice, even if I am a witch.
70. If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for more than 10 seconds, I am to assume I cannot use it.
71. OMGWTF is not a spell
72. I will not poke Hufflepuffs with spoons, nor insist that their house colors indicate that they are covered in bees.
73. I am allowed to have a rat, cat, or owl. I am not allowed to have a reticulated python, snow leopard, Tasmanian devil, or piranha.
74. ‘Ya’ll check this here shit out’ is not an appropriate way to announce you are about to perform and experimental spell.
75. I will not yell ‘Believe it......or not’ after any of Dumbledore’s speeches.
76. I will not sing The Badger Song during Hufflepuff-Slytherin Quidditch matches
77. I am not to call the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher Kenny, even if he is wearing an orange anorak.
78. It is not necessary for me to yell "BAMF" every time I apparate
79. 42 is not the answer to every question on the O.W.L.s
80. I am not to sing my own personal spy music while walking through the corridors
81. I will not sing the entire Multiplication Rock series during the Arithmancy exams
82. I am not to make light saber noises when using my wand.
83. I will not encourage first years to make a tree house in the Whomping Willow
84. Painting the house elves and calling them Smurfs is only funny the first time.
85. I'm not allowed out of my dorm when Ministry wizards are on the premises.
86. I'm not allowed to declare an official 'Hug a Slytherin Day'
87. I will not follow Potions instructions backward just to see what will happen.
88. "There's not enough room in here to swing a cat" is a muggle saying, not a challenge.
89. "I've heard every possible joke about Olliver Wood's name" is not a challenge.
90. Seamus Finnigan is not "after me lucky charms".
91. I will not teach the first years to sing "A wizard's staff has a knob on the end."
92. It is generally accepted that cats and dragons cannot interbreed. Trying to disprove this theory is unnacceptable, no matter wicked the results would be.
93. I will not try and start Naked Thursdays in the Common Room.
94. I will not start food fights in the Great Hall.